Eating Alone

I have known quite a few people who hate to eat alone. They will call anyone, just so that they can have a companion while they are eating. I've gone with people to grab a bit to eat, even though I didn't order anything, and I have also called people just to have someone to go with when I eat somewhere. The more I think about it, it's interesting how we perceive eating alone versus eating with others.

If I see a person eating alone at a restaurant, I think of a few reasons why he or she is eating alone. The first scenario is that he or she is a complete loner who doesn't care about a social life or friends. Strangely, I know some people who are loners. I know a guy who mostly stays in his room, chatting with online friends or watching Youtube videos. But, strangely and mind bogglingly enough, he doesn't like to eat alone. He still searches for someone to sit down and have a meal with. Interesting, huh?

A second scenario I run through my head is that he or she just didn't have time or the resources to eat with anyone like not having a cell phone or having a busy work schedule. That kind of person probably doesn't want to eat alone, but alas, they had no choice. I think I fit into this category quite well. I would love to invite friends over for breakfast, lunch and dinner all the time, but sadly time is usually not on my side. I usually have back-to-back commitments that pull me here and there. Sorry friends.

When I see that person eating alone, I think all of us, even if you don't want to admit it, have some kind of reaction. I have been criticized for eating alone because I probably looked like a loser. Another friend says it's sad to eat alone, and I would tend to agree. But why do we have an urge to eat together? Friends and colleagues go out for lunch all the time. Families go to "family restaurants" to eat together. Eating meals together, as a family, is a cherished cultural institution. There is a whole ad campaign linking eating meals together with family unity, mutual understanding, and even reduction in drug usage rates amongst teenagers. Eating together carries a lot of positive connotations and values, while eating alone seems to carry some semi-negative ones.

Why do we want to eat together, instead of alone? Psychologically, how does it affect us to eat alone versus with others? Sociologically, what do our values say about eating alone versus eating with others?

One possibility may be a combination of all kinds of factors -- psychological and sociological and biological -- that contributes to our desire to eat together. Thinking back through history, all the way back to the Pleistocene -- the era of ice ages, mega fauna, and early man -- one of our earliest conceptions of cavemen is a huddled group of people, sharing a fresh kill around a roaring fire. Since then, I theorize, people have probably carried that kind of eat as a group mentality. For early man, it was survival instinct: strength in numbers, hunting game together, and sharing the kill. For modern man, we don't really struggle to survive for our basic needs, but that urge to eat together has stuck with us. Perhaps the fight for survival was so intense, so deeply etched in the psyche of our species, that eating together is just something that is going to stick with us as long as we live. Psychologically, it gave our ancestors a sense of peace, perhaps even joy to know that others are suffering the same kinds of troubles and tribulations. Sociologically, eating together probably advanced social interaction, forming the early foundations of our now complex cultures, languages, governments, and technologies.

So, next time we see someone eating alone, maybe we shouldn't take it so lightly. Eating with others has been with us for many millenniums, and will no doubt remain a part of our species, until we are either no longer alive or no longer human.